Memories of the Intoners

Foreword

My sisters,

The lords that have exploited these lands are no more, and I understand the quest to root out stragglers is going well. However, you must remain ever watchful, for the defeat of our foes does not end our work. We must prevent new lords from rising up, and we must defeat the traitorous Zero. To do this, we must build—and then nurture—our powers. And since I am putting thoughts to paper now, I wanted to write out the seven words we Intoners must know.

The First Word

The first word we must know is "cooperation."

We Intoners possess immeasurable power. This, I am afraid, may lead you to place too much trust in yourselves. (And as we know, there is no power that does not fail its owner sooner or later.) But if we five combine our powers, I believe we can overcome anything. And if our own power is not enough, we can call on the strength of our allies, of the people who amass at our side. They may be singularly weak, but combined, they can blaze a trail to the future.

The Second Word

The second word you must know is "strength."

No matter what you believe or how just such belief may be, it cannot come to fruition without the power to make it so. Never cease polishing your skills with sword and song. Never cease inventing new strategies to battle. Think about how to make your nation stronger as a whole. Develop weaponry and train your soldiers. Above all, always be ready to wage war for what you believe.

The Third Word

The third word we must know is "wealth."

Powerful though you may be in battle, your people cannot survive without a prosperous nation to rely upon. Retain always a bountiful supply of the food and resources needed for life, for they are vital in developing your nation. Remember that true wealth cannot be taken—it must be grown. Tend crops. Raise animals. Find new lands. Engage in trade. And above all, do not concentrate your wealth in one area, but instead share it with everyone in your land.

The Fourth Word

The fourth word we must know is "wisdom."

We must study writings of the past, for the collected wisdom of those who came before lies within. And we must also study our world and the people we share it with, so as to be ever mindful of how little we truly understand of it. As the leaders of this world, we must establish houses of learning across the land. Wisdom is a powerful tool that enables people to consider the future, and laying the groundwork for it is among an Intoner's most sacred duties.

The Fifth Word

The fifth word we must know is "law."

The world is not filled with one kind of spirit. Some of the more foolish ones commit crimes, and there is a need to judge them for it. But we must not allow people to condemn others based on passing fancies—instead, the rule of law must be fitting and proper. The ability to judge all on equal footing is the only basis on which we can guide the world to its proper destiny. And finally, remember that all can choose the wrong path from time to time—even Intoners.

The Sixth Word

The sixth word we must know is "justice."

This is vital. As leaders and Intoners, we must build a palpably improved world. And to achieve that, we must have resolute and unshakable faith in our sense of justice. We must not give in to our own selfish interests. We must not ignore those who are suffering. We must not overlook the elderly, the young, or the weak. We must never forget that we exist for our people's sake. And we must carry these resolves with us always.

The Final Word

The final word we must know is "love."

You may not understand what it means yet, my sisters, but I implore you to remember it. All of the other words are but empty air without the concept of love behind them. Love is what this world needs, and it is what WE need. It is altogether possible, my dear Five, Four, Three, and Two, that I may die before you and thus I have written down these seven words. For while I want you to save this world, I also want you to be happy. I love you all.

Postscript

It has been three months since I wrote the words. My sisters are dead—killed by Zero, the betrayer. And yet, I do not feel the fault is hers alone. My sisters were tossed and twisted by the power of their songs, and now the world once again spins toward its own destruction. ...Where did I go wrong? ...Were my motives not pure? It matters not. Zero is coming for me, and it seems my punishment will be to die with such doubts in my mind.

Please forgive me, my sisters. I will go to join you now.

Sweet and Sour Ogre Meatballs

Today I wanted to jot down notes on my new fancy meat dish!

First, find the freshest ogre meat you can. (Any type is fine, so long as it's not too grisly!) Tenderize it for a while, then mix in diced onions, ginger, breadcrumbs, eggs, and salt and pepper to taste. Form the mix into balls, fry them in oil, then pop'em in the oven. For the sauce, mix tomatoes, vinegar, and sugar, then spice it up!

PS - Five's gonna LOVE these! :)

Sea Serpent With Apple Sauce

I was bored this morning, so I tried out a new recipe.

First, get a sea serpent. (They're omnivorous and tend to get stinky really quickly, so yank the innards ASAP!) Cut it into bite-sized chunks, cover'em in flour, and cook both sides lightly in olive oil and garlic. For the sauce, pluck out the eyes (make sure to get all the goo!), mix in grated apple, salt and pepper, then simmer until it thickens.

Pour the sauce over the cutlets, and bon appétit.

Two's Special Love Potion

This morning I made a nutritious drink for my beloved Cent!

Take 100 datura seeds, 50 khat leaves, and four mandrake roots (be careful picking those!). Mash'em into a fine powder, then simmer in oil. Wait for the color to change, then strain it so only the nutrients remain in the oil. Then add milk, eggs, and honey, pour into a jug, and shake like crazy!

PS - Cent drank the whole thing in one go! He probably won't sleep for a week, which is fine by me! :)

Homemade Noodles in Tomato Sauce

The five of us are together for the first time in ages, so I'm making a heaping helping of my hand-kneaded noodles!

Take a pile of flour and knead in some salt water (REALLY get into it!). Stretch it into long strands, then boil until pliable. While you're waiting, get some ground ogre meat and fry it with tomato, garlic, sesame seeds, salt, and pepper. It makes a lot, but that's okay—Five INHALES the stuff! :o

PS - I actually saw One SMILE! I'll have to make this again!

Wow'em With Raspberry Cake!

This cake recipe is just the ticket for a sweet treat!

First, kill a troll and scrape out the fat (there's LOTS!). Render it into lard, add sugar and eggs, and mix until it forms a cream. Then throw in flour, crushed walnuts, and fresh-picked raspberries from the trolls' forest. Mix it up, juuust a little, then bake it in a stone oven until a dagger inserted in the middle comes out clean.

PS - I'm totally making this for the orphans. They'll LOVE it!

Raspberry Cake for Lady Two

Lady Two has had very little appetite since that day. I fear it will affect her health before long, so I decided to follow her example and bake a raspberry cake. Sadly, I don't know the exact recipe. I asked around, but no one has heard of such an exotic dessert before. I finally started throwing things together, and after a few hundred tries, I finally got something slightly cake-like.

Unfortunately, it wasn't much to Lady Two's liking, as it just drooled out from her delicate lips. I must get better.

Oatmeal for Lady Two

It pains me to see Lady Two growing so thin.

Today, I cooked some gruel and mixed it with honey, so it would be easy to swallow. I think—THINK—we managed to get two whole spoons down, which is fantastic. But I didn't want to force it on her, so I brought her back to bed.

That's when I noticed—Lady Two's heart isn't beating. She breathes and she blinks, but there's nothing from her chest. It's almost as if she's...

Water for Lady Two

For the past week, Lady Two has consumed only water.

My days blur into each other as I spend dawn to dusk speaking with my lady. I talk about all the special times we spent together, and yet she never answers.

Tonight, after I laid her down, I found my hands around her beautiful neck. It would have been so easy. Just a little bit of pressure, and she could finally have peace. Such terrible thoughts. Ah, my love. Please forgive me...

Blood for Lady Two

Today, I diluted red wine in water, mixed in my blood, and used my own mouth to give it to my lady.

Lately, something dwells in my mind. Lady Two almost never asked me for anything, but her one insistence was that I not, as she put it, "Die on her." What could I say to that? Have I succeeded in returning her kindness?

Zero is on her way. But until then, we will lay in this shrine and huddle together to ward off the oncoming chill.

Sad and Unemployed

My border guard unit got word today that the lord is dead. It's not a surprise—we all heard about how powerful these Intoners we're fighting are, although our little frontier patrol hasn't had to meet one yet (thank goodness). To be honest, none of us care that the lord is gone. We're worried about where our next meal will come from, of course, but to be honest, he was kind of an asshole.

Hopefully our next lord will be better.

Falling in Love

Today we met our new lord. Well, "lord" isn't quite the word. I don't know what is, actually. It's complicated.

We soldiers gathered in a clearing, and our new lord (?), Lady Three, came to us. We were all sweating bullets! She's younger than I expected, and smaller, and also... cuter? Hard to imagine this girl leading us, but there it is.

Most of the men were smitten with her immediately, and I was no exception. She really is quite lovely.

A Total Riot

To say Lady Three is popular is an understatement. Soldiers are falling all over themselves to be her bodyguard, her valet, her whatever. The old vets don't much like it, but screw them. Hell, it's GOOD to have a charismatic leader—it makes all of us fight that much harder.

I will say, though, Lady Three is a bit...odd. She takes our leftover food, saves beard and hair trimmings from the men, and spends all day counting insects. Maybe she realizes such things make her all the more appealing.

Sincere Devotion

The unit's on edge—rumors are flying that Lady Three is "experimenting" on human subjects.

Apparently our lady is fighting a woman named Zero, and it isn't going well. That's just what I've heard from the men, but it feels right somehow. Anyway, this Zero is a real bad character, so Lady Three is enhancing soldiers to try and even the odds. Folks seem pretty upset by it, but not me—I'll do whatever it takes to see Lady Three to victory. It's not like I have anything else to live for...

In Love

Today I saw Lady Three stagger out of her tent dressed only in her night clothes. I called out to see if she was all right, and she leaned close and whispered, "Go ahead."

I don't... I don't remember much after that. Her hands were cold as she led me into her tent, but her lily-white skin was like procelain. She smelled of ripe fruit and summer, and... No. I must stop. My words only do it a disservice.

My lady. Ah, my lady. Why me, of all people?

A Mature Cranial Nerve

Lady Three has ignored me since that day. I finally mustered my courage and begged her to enhance me next, but she stared right through me and said, "Your cranial nerve isn't mature enough."

What does that MEAN!? What's WRONG with me!?

Soldiers disappear from our unit by the hour, taken away to become enhanced soldiers for our lady. When I think about it, I get so jealous, I vomit.

Days of Depression

I'm the only one she won't touch. The only one she won't enhance. Some of the men she chooses actually flee in terror, which only deepens my rage. They fear pain? They fear torture? I LIVE it every day she rejects me.

I wish you had never blessed me with your love, my lady. I wish this pain in my chest would end. I wish I was dead.

Zero. Three. Someone. Anyone. Just make it stop.

The Greatest Day Ever

Finally, my day has come! The power of Lady Three's song will make me a better man! A stronger man! A perfect man! My body seems ready to explode with happiness, so it's a good thing she's prepared an enormous new body for me. I was special. I was CHOSEN! She chose me to be what she is calling "Cyclops." Just hearing it gives me chills! Lady Three says it comes from a giant of legend. Cyclops. The name has a sublime and ominous tone, and I only pray that my new body does it proud. I shall serve her forever!

me three think

don't know how much time passed
no sense of      time
all in toner country      destroyed
they talk of empire or federation or      don't care

lady three not see lately  but fine  i am fine    i
swear faith to   her   forever   so   see    look
feel          la dy         three          near
me                  soul

1.00 sec

Okay. There's a lot I want tell you all, but how 'bout I start with Zero. Let's talk about that flower in your eye. You did that on purpose, didn't you? It's all like, "Oh, I'm the oldest sister, I'm soooooo special! I have to be all different!" It looks terrible on you, you know? Like you're trying way too hard. Also, I'm tired of you treating us like our heads are full of poo. Because they're not! In fact, the way you swing that sword all day, I bet it's YOUR head that's full of poo! 'Cause you never use it!

0.81 sec

Your turn, Five. You're the only little sister I have, but you act like this bitter old lady. Oops! Soorry! Did that sound harsh? ...It's totally what everyone thinks, though. And seriously, the way you throw those oversexed fat globules of yours around? Dis. Gusting. You have NO self-control, and you're ALWAYS chasing after some carnal pleasure like it's the most important thing in the freaking world. Oh, and your clothes are ugly and your makeup is reeeally sad. It's too bad money can't buy class, it's really too bad.

0.72 sec

Oh, Three. Where to begin? You try to act mysterious and alluring, but I know it's just an act. Guys always go for "project" girls like you, thinking they can "fix" them or whatever, when there's so many nice girls that would treat them better. Am I wrong? No, I'm not, and you know it. You try SO hard to pretend you don't care that it becomes painfully obvious just how much you do! Why don't you just try attracting someone with your natural charm instead? ...Oh, that's right. You don't HAVE ANY! Ha ha ha ha!

0.61 sec

It's funny; I can see what you did, Two. People can get pretty stupid when they fall in love. That's why you say things like "I want us to be together forever!" and "I want world peace!" and stuff. But really, loving your DISCIPLE? The one guy who HAS to hang out with you all the time? How convenient! Look, I admit, Cent's handsome, but that's really it. He's just an accessory, like Five's skanky clothes. Oh, and your cooking? He's totally pretending to like it.

0.50 sec

And now for you, One. I've been dying to tell you this... Pffft! Hee hee! Get it? "DYING!?" Gosh, you must hate me so much. After all, you're so right, and perfect, and smart, and I'm just some dumb little sister. But what happened once we took over, huh? I'll tell you what happened—everything went to heck! Our forces were decimated, our people lost morale, and Zero and her song KICKED THE CRAP OUT OF US! You lost that bet big-time, Sis. Too bad your fancy-pants attitude can't help you now! Hee hee! I love it! Ha ha ha!

0.35 sec

Oh! I also need to talk about all the idiots we rule over. You guys seriously suck. You rely on us for EVERYTHING, and you're all "Oh, Lady Four! Lady Four!" But you're really just greedy, lazy, good-for-nothings who can't do anything for yourselves. Is it my JOB to make you happy? Because I don't remember anything about that on the application! Yeah, I pretended to care so One wouldn't have a conniption, but I actually think we should've ground you all under our boot. Instead, you have just enough freedom to hang yourselves with.

0.18 sec

Um... what else? Oh, right! God! I've got a problem with YOU! I mean, what is UP with this world, am I right? It takes an entire DAY to go from town to town, it's too hot in summer, too cold in winter, and it either rains too much or else there's some drought going on! Oh, and why do we have to EAT if we want to live, huh? So stupid. I guess that's what you get when you crap out a world in a week. Maybe spend more than ONE SINGLE DAY on all the people next time—god! ...See that? I'm not even going to CAPITALIZE YOUR NAME!

0.04 sec

This STILL going on? I've already complained about everything I wanted to! This is a waste of my time. Okay, fiiine. Um... I guess... Oh, hey! Decadus! ...Actually, I don't have much to say about him. It's not like I actually always wanted him to come into my bed at night, or that I actually was really interested in sexual talk, or that I wanted him to act more forward and take charge or anything. He could have tried to be normal... In fact, I could sum up everything I want to tell him like this: "YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE!"

0.00 sec

Ahhh... About time the tip of Zero's sword reached my brain. I guess it's true—you DO get to see your whole life flash before your eyes. Geez, it takes forever! Now I had to think about all this crap I wanted to forget. Meh. Oh well. So long, One, you stubborn old bitch! So long, Two, you lovey-dovey bitch! So long, Three, you crazy weirdo bitch! So long, Five, you oversexed bitch! And so long, Zero, the bitch who's killing me right now! Oh, and the biggest bitch of all, which is, of course, me. I'll see you all in hell!

Delivery: Gourmet Packs

Dear Lady Five,

It's because of dedicated customers like you that we are able to provide our trademark customer service.

This notice is to confirm delivery of the following order:
- Seafood Gourmet Pack (with sea serpent eggs) x 200
- Mountain Gourmet Pack (with troll liver sauce) x 200
Do not hesitate to contact us if there are any concerns. We look forward to your continued patronage.

Delivery: Fancy Golden Dress

Dear Lady Five,

Thank you for trusting us with your delivery needs.
We hope this early summer has been a fruitful one for you.

This notice is to confirm delivery of the fancy Golden Dress you ordered. This dress, made with beautiful silks imported from the east and lavishly festooned with pure gold leaf, is one of our finest products. We hope that it meets your exacting standards.

Delivery: Secret Toys

Dear Lady Five,

Thank you for trusting us with your delivery needs.
This notice is to confirm delivery of the "Secret Toy Ultimate Pack"* you ordered. This set, one of our company's hallmark products, combines truly captivating toys from the exotic east with a selection of all-natural, water-soluble performance enhancers. Please feel free to contact us with any questions or concerns that may arise.
*This product is meant for adults only.

Dedication of Storage Vault

Dear Lady Five,

Thank you, as always, for continuing to use our service. We trust all remains well with your glorious reign.

This notice is to confirm that your treasure storage vault has been officially dedicated as of last Sunday. As requested, it is equipped with a variety of traps to ensure that our Lady's valuables will lie unmolested by invaders. We'll happily demonstrate them if you provide a volunteer.

Delivery: Roman Empire Publications

Dear Lady Five,

We trust your spirits are as bright and sunny as the blessedly warm spring weather of late.

This notice confirms reception of your request for "books to learn about ruling." Our scholars feel the Roman Empire is fitting, and have thus prepared a fine selection. Additionally, it gladdens us to see that My Lady, already a wielder of great authority, wishes to learn more.

Delivery: 200 Art Pieces

Dear Lady Five,

We hope you and yours are enjoying a joyful winter season.

This notice serves to inform you of the impending delivery of 200 works of art. Your order—"What's beauty?"—was difficult, but our experts amassed a carefully-selected collection of masterpieces. None, of course, could ever surpass the beauty of Our Lady, but we still look forward to receiving any feedback about the collection's quality.

Delivery: Philosophy Books

Dear Lady Five,

We hope a bountiful harvest awaits you and yours this fall.

This notice confirms delivery of ten philosophy books you ordered. We pray they answer your questions "What is humanity?" and "What is happiness?" However, your recent order is on a smaller scale than previous, and when combined with the recent disposal of your treasure vault, we are worried. Please tell us if we have erred in any way.

Notice of Unpaid Invoices

Dear Lady Five,

Thank you for your continued patronage as we enter spring.

This notice serves to inform you that your invoice for the delivery of food to poor children has yet to be paid. We apologize for having to contact you multiple times, but with our company's finances in a precarious situation and Dito no longer replying to our messengers, we are in the dark on your status. Please supply payment when you can.

Notice of Closure

Thank you for your continued loyalty.

Ever since our founding the year after the Cataclysm, we have prided ourselves on serving both our customers and the community at large. But half a year after the end of the Intoners' rule, the downturn in deliveries means we are no longer able to sustain our business. Thus, our company will cease operations effective May 31. Thank you for your understanding in these extraordinary times.

The Land of Animals

January 12 — Sunny

Today, I went to the Land of Animals and it was GREAT! There was a big cat with fluffy hair, and an elephant with a short trunk, and a horse with a big long neck, and another horse that was covered in stripes!

We all played in the mud and chased each other around and it was a ton of fun, but the sun was dumb and hot and I got tired really fast. Boooooo!

The Land of Fish

February 17 — Rain

I've been on this island for a week. There's lots of fish everywhere! Big fish, and pretty fish, and flat fish, and fish with feathers, and arms, and legs, and stuff! Oh, and mackerel. I like mackerel.

I want to go to the other islands but, I don't know how. Since it started raining, it's just been water all over the place.

The Land of Songs

April 19 — Cloudy

I saw some humans today! They all really like songs and sing pretty much all day long, even though everything kinda sucks for them at the moment. I even sang for a while too.

Their singing reminded me of Zero. It's funny—even though I forget a lot of stuff, I always remember her. I think it's because she was angry with me all the time. I wish she would have sang with me instead. I'm lonely, Zero.

The Land of Machines

May 1 — Clear

There are more humans here lately, and they're taking up more and more of the land. They broke up the forests and mountains and oceans, and now they just move these big metal boxes and dolls all over the place. The animals that used to live here are in trouble because they have nowhere to live now, but do they deserve the land more than others?

I think about a lot now.

The Land of Wars

July 1 — Rain

The girl who fed me this morning says her nation is in a state of constant war. They kill each other from dawn until dusk, then sleep for a bit before starting all over again. Apparently it's been going on like this for decades.

Later, I brought mackerel to the girl's house to thank her for breakfast, but she'd been blown to pieces by a bomb. Why couldn't I save her? Where did I go wrong?

The Land of Destinies

September 30 — Cloudy, with Scattered Showers

Another day of nothing but mechanical children. There used to be so many humans and now I can't find them without a long and painstaking search.

There was an earthquake yesterday, accompanied by a bright light in the east—probably more explosions. Contaminated ash rained down, no doubt killing more people and animals. I just slept through it. It's not like I can do anything.

The Land of People

November 4 — Cloudy, with Occasional Snow

I came across my first human village in a long time. It was small—maybe a hundred all told—but they seemed hardworking and honest. When they saw me, they began to call me their "divine guardian," which mostly meant listening to them complain all day. It seems having someone to talk to is a big deal for them. I can empathize. I look back fondly on some of my conversations with Zero—they helped me feel like I wasn't quite so alone in this world.

The Land of Darkness

December 28 — Snow

For a long time, I experienced only failure. But I will not quit. No matter how much injustice is in the world, I will not permit myself to surrender to it.

I am not Zero—I cannot change the world with rage and destruction. If, however, there is some way I can make it a better place, I will try with all of my strength. I will not give up. Zero never did.

The Land of Light

January 21 — Fire

My body is very broken now. I can feel the holes in my memory increasing in number. But I don't need to fight anymore either... so it's okay.

Are you proud of me, Zero? Did I do well?
Or would you yell at me like always?

Ze...ro... I'll...see you...soon.