From Drakengard 3 Official English Website
Five - My Favorite Things
This world is made up of things that I want, and things that I really want.
...As one of my big sisters, Two, might put it.
What Two had actually said was, "This world is made up of things that I like, and things that I really like."
That got me thinking about my version of what this world could be made up of. I don't have as big a heart as Two does; I could never claim that the world is full of things that I like. Honestly, there are too many things that I dislike. Nasty foods, ugly clothes, boring people...
But just because I don't like it doesn't mean I don't want it. I mean, what if that food isn't tasty because it isn't being cooked right? One time, Two wrestled with the stomach of a sandworm to make me an unbelievably delectable soup. I think she said she had to cure it in salt first before drying it in the sun, and then spent days stirring the pot as it stewed. Now, that was far more complicated a process than I would be willing to go to, but it proves that it's worth wanting.
You can make ugly clothes presentable with enough accessories. And boring people can turn out to be quite useful as servants. You have to make something your own to determine its true worth. Wouldn't you agree?
So I don't think there is anything in the world that I don't want. But there are things that I want just a little bit. And then there are things that I want badly.
What I want the most, of course, are pretty accessories, clothes, and shoes. I prefer gold over silver in my accessories. And lots of sparkling jewels! Like a walnut-sized sapphire brooch studded with tiny aquamarine and diamond pieces. Or an emerald-encrusted gold work necklace.
I like lace in the clothes that I wear. I almost passed out one time while trying on a robe made entirely of lace! I love lace in detachable collars, shawls, even handkerchiefs.
Apparently, it takes a lot of time and effort to make lace. Four told me that prices hike up with even just a little bit of lace around the edges.
"You could feed a poor family for days with the money you would spend on just one of these frilly things. Do you still want to keep playing dress-up like a little girl?"
Four always speaks the truth, like an older sister should. So I replied:
"You're right, Four. I don't need this dress anymore."
I was getting tired of that holey rag anyway.
My favorite right now is the one with lots of ribbons. Layered bow ties made of fine thin silk, all over the sleeves and torso! Isn't it adorable? I think I should make a decorative belt out of ribbon and squeeze it tight around my waist to highlight my magnificent bosom. Wouldn't that be a feast for the eyes?
I bet this dress covered in ribbons is expensive, too. How many days could this feed a poor family, I wonder.
But it's not as though these poor people would be able to stuff themselves if I stopped dressing up. Those issues are unrelated. Besides, I didn't pay for these dresses out of my pocket. They just became mine after we offed our former lord.
It was that lord that extorted money from people and then squandered it. It wasn't me.
Anyway, what should I wear today? The one with the ribbons? I love this dress with the damask folded in, too. The gold and silver threads really complement the color of my hair. Or maybe I should wear this one with sable fur around the hem and cuffs—
"Mmff... Five? You up already?"
Whose voice do I hear from directly behind me? My disciple's, of course. So cute. I love him so much. Poor thing, he sounds groggy.
"You can go back to sleep, Dito."
Young'uns need lots of sleep. Especially Dito because he stays up late every night.
"Not with the fuss you're making."
"Oh. So sorry."
I love the way he yawns and stretches loudly. He is so beautiful that I can barely contain myself. His face is like a doll.
And by doll, I don't mean like the toy soldiers that Three makes. I mean normal dolls. Cute girl dolls.
But Dito is so much cuter. Skin as white as snow, eyes twinkling like the brightest stars. His soft curls feel so airy through my fingers I could rub my hands over his head forever. I like Dito the most. Dito is my favorite toy.
"You're playing with your dresses again? So early in the morning? You're such a dork, Five."
I even like the way he mouths off. Maybe it's the element of surprise in hearing such venom being spouted from such an angelic face. I firmly believe that the key to every relationship between a man and a woman is unpredictability. I mean, wouldn't you rather your lover take on a completely different persona in bed?
But I digress.
"I have to get up as early as I can. A day goes by so fast," I say.
"Well, of course you'd run out of time when you're changing clothes four times a day. Why can't you just wear the same clothes until nighttime?"
"Perish the thought! With so many dresses, how could I wear but one a day?"
It's not as though circumstances don't allow me to change because I'm traveling, or because there is nothing else to wear. To keep the same clothes on when I have so many is simply unthinkable!
"Tell me, Dito: which dress do you think I should wear?"
I take the one with the ribbons, the one with the gold and silver threads, and the one with the fur edges, and place all three in front of him. But all he does is yawn.
"I don't care. They're your damned clothes."
The disinterest in his voice sounds almost convincing. It doesn't match his cherubic face. What could be eating at him? Oh, I get it!
"You just don't like dresses because they're a hassle to take off of me."
"No, that's not exactly—"
"You've been trying to tell me that you'd rather I wore nothing at all!"
"Not really, I just—"
"But I don't mind doing it fully clothed, you know."
"Now, wait a minute!"
"I'll just get on top. Or should I stand while you take me from behind?"
"Will you stop, please!?"
"Are you being coy with me? Or is that a backwards invitation?"
Maybe he really is hesitating. Dito is my disciple, after all. A disciple is enslaved by his Intoner. He is forbidden to go against my word. A disciple must perpetually serve the Intoner, day and night.
"There is no need to be shy, you know."
"This one! You wanted me to pick out a dress for you, right? Right!?"
Oh, Dito. His face is all red. Is he blushing? So adorable! Makes me want to squeeze him tight and pin him down on the floor.
"I like this one! The shiny number!"
"Forget the dress, Dito. Let's—"
"Oh, wait, wait! There's one you haven't tried yet. Remember, with the embroidery? The blue, flowery one?"
He's right. There was a rather unique blue one with flowers stitched in. And I hadn't tried it on yet.
"Stay here, Five! I'll go get the dress!"
He slips out of my arms like a cat. But why does have to leap off the bed and dash like one? I'm not the type of master that gets upset just because you're slow to fetch a dress.
I thought I heard a heavy sigh from the wardrobe, but that couldn't have been Dito. Like he is an impeccable disciple to me, I am an impeccable Intoner to Dito.
Dito walks back in, dutifully carrying the blue dress. I open it up in front of the mirror. A form-fitting glossy blue garment with finely embroidered flowers. So exotic. So bold!
Yes, I like this, too! With every step, my legs show from the deep cuts up the sides. Definitely not to Four's liking. She would probably call it tasteless.
"This is pretty. But that doesn't mean the other ones aren't. What's a girl to do?"
I already had the one with the ribbons, the one with the damask, and the one with the fur to choose from. And now this flowery blue dress, too? There is no way I can choose just one!
"I wish I had three or four bodies. Then I could wear them all at once!"
"Three or four bodies? Of YOU? Are you serious?"
"Of course I am."
"...That would be a nightmare."
Dito looks as though the world is coming to an end. I wonder what could have crossed his mind.
"I think it's a fabulous idea. Let's ask One if she knows any spells that can create three bodies of me."
Big sister One is always holed up in the vault underneath the church reading difficult books. I wouldn't be surprised at all if she knew a spell or two of the sort.
"If I had three bodies, I wouldn't have to ponder over which dress to wear. Why, I could even eat three times more."
"You already eat three times what you should."
"What? That's not true."
Sure, I have a hearty appetite. I don't like feeling hungry. Hunger makes me feel lonely. That's why I eat before I start feeling hungry.
But that doesn't mean I eat three times as much as a normal person. Dito has that mischievous grin. Mmm, I love that look on him.
"Whenever the cooks ask you if you want meat or fish, you always answer both."
"But, Dito, that would only be two times as much, not three."
Besides, if they ask me to choose one of two dishes, it has to mean they're ready either way. They wouldn't ask me that way if they weren't. Which leads me to think, if they're both available, why not have both?
"How about if they offered broiled meat, stewed meat, or steamed meat? You would say all of them."
"Well, yes, if that's the way they phrased the question."
"What if they asked you if you wanted broiled fish, steamed fish or fried fish?"
"All of them, I guess. And now you're making me hungry. I wonder if breakfast is ready yet."
"See? Your appetite is more than triple the norm, Five."
I really don't think my appetite is to blame. It's the pure fact that there is so much deliciousness in existence. As much as a gourmet as I am, I couldn't possibly ask for something that doesn't even exist.
But if I do know it exists, and it's out of my reach, I would chase it to the edges of the world.
Oh, I do love going on trips in search of good eats. It's far more thrilling than having to go hunt down some evil man, or to vanquish a monster or some other nasty thing. I tell Dito:
"I can't wait for springtime. Then we can go on one of our gourmet trips again."
"You mean the nasty beasty feasts?"
"But in Two's hands, any beast can turn into a scrumptious meal."
"Aha! Then you don't deny them being beasts?"
"Oh, there's no doubt they're beasts. But only Two can turn gobin brains into a silky pâté. Sting lizard in aspic, pickled six-eyed catfish... You can't these things just anywhere."
"They are rare, um, delicacies, I suppose."
"It's not every day you have to risk your life for a meal. I certainly wish I never have to."
Oh, my. Dito. That cocky look. And the way those shoulders go up when you shrug. Now you've done it. Bad, bad boy.
And that look. The uncomfortable look. It just makes me want to make him even more uncomfortable.
"You're not having any...wicked thoughts, are you, now?"
"Wicked? Heavens, no."
The way he looks up at me with those frightened pupils. He's almost like a little bunny. Mmm, and there's another fine delicacy. Rabbit meat. Stewed for hours until it's so tender it melts in your mouth. Serve it with a sweet sauce made of fruit.
"D-Didn't you say you were hungry? H-How about some b-breakfast?"
"Yes, I'll have some right now."
"Wait. Please wait, Five—"
"No. I can't wait. Don't you know me by now?"
He looked like he had more to say, but what he says doesn't really matter. Not when I'm on. I can't hold it back anymore. My sweet, sweet disciple. My one and only hunny-bunny. Where should I start eating?
"Why does this have to happen so early in the morning?"
"It's because of those sleepy eyes of yours, Dito."
"What you're saying doesn't match up with what you're doing."
"But don't you enjoy snoozing in my bosom?"
Even his moans are lovely. Though one could mistake them for sighs. They can't be sighs.
For all the effort and creativity I put into this, I see no reason to tolerate complaints. I try a great many things not just for my own pleasure, but for the pleasure of my partners, too.
I believe one should put in an honest effort before blaming others for an unsatisfactory experience. You can read books or talk to people. You name it, I've done it.
You can even try different partners. Luckily for me, I have plenty of partners to choose from. Men and women, even multiple partners in one night. It could very well be that there's nothing wrong with you, but that it's just a matter of chemistry.
But chemistry can be tricky. It is awfully hard to find someone who can truly impress. But I am not about to give up. Because this can't be as good as it gets. It has to be so much better.
And when I learn something really good, I'm going to share it with Dito. Because he is my precious disciple.
"No, wait... Not yet...!"
Oops. I guess I got a bit distracted. I'm sorry, Dito. Don't sigh like that. It's okay, really.
"Sweet Dito. There's no need to make such a face."
We can just have another go at it! As many times as we want. Right?
"Five, you have the appetite of three people, but the libido of thirty."
"Why, thank you for the wonderful compliment."
"...It wasn't a compliment."
"Such a good little man. You deserve a reward. Where do you want it?"
"Sounds more like I'm about to be punished than rewarded."
"Oh! So is that what you're into?"
I had no idea. To each his own, as they say. That explains why he looks so bored sometimes. Why didn't he tell me sooner? I don't mind putting in the effort and creativity, but I also think it is wiser to avoid wasting time on detours.
With the world so full of things that I want, I don't have a moment to spare. So many beautiful clothes to try on! So much delicious foods to sample! I don't want to even waste time sleeping.
"Why do you have to be so greedy?" asks Dito.
I don't think that's entirely accurate. I think my desire for things is a reflection of the need to feel how powerful I am.
In those moments where I finally wrap my hands around something I have really wanted, the euphoria is instant and orgasmic. Feelings like superiority and omnipotence rush out in waves from the deepest parts of my being. Nothing feels better than having the power to obtain what I desire.
If I didn't have that power, I don't know if I would want anything. How sad would it be to want something but not be able to get it? Why, I imagine life would be a miserable waste to pursue something that is impossible to obtain.
But one does wonder... What if there is such a thing? I can't even imagine what it might be, but I supposed there could be something that I could never, ever have.
With my hand on my heart, I begin to think...maybe there is. Something I have not noticed until now. I don't even know whether I want it or not, but it's something devoid of excess or grandeur.
What could it be?
It can't be food. And it's probably not jewelry or clothing. If it were any of those things, I could easily get my hands on it.
Is it a person? But I have plenty of servants and handmaids at my beck and call. I even have soldiers who would risk their lives for me. Men? No shortage there, either. I know of no man who could resist my advances. Unless he were my own father or something. Father... Daddy...?
"Five? Are you all right?"
Gone. I could almost make it out...but it's gone.
"This is new. I've never seen you so lost in thought while in bed."
"Well, isn't that rude? I'll have you know I am perfectly capable of having deep thoughts."
"Did I make you mad?"
"Not at all."
In fact, maybe he did me a favor by chasing away that particular silhouette.
There is no way I could remember my father. He died not long after I was born. To try to recall something that I have no way of knowing would be an utter waste of time.
So no more losing myself in deep thoughts. Who cares about what I can't get? I just want to keep thinking about all the things that I love. The sapphire brooch, and the emerald and gold work necklace. The dress with the ribbons, and the dress with the flowers. The robe and shawl and the detachable collar with lace.
"Now, where were we?"
And my sweet, sweet disciple.
"I'm only kidding."
I really am hungry now. Let's have breakfast. How about some soft-boiled eggs on toasted bread, with smoked fish and pickled vegetables? And the dried fruits preserved in honey. Oh, but I must decide on what to wear before that. Speaking of which, I think there was a dress with the cuffs as long as drapes. And where did the red woolen one go?
These are the things that make me happy! I just need to keep thinking about the things that I want, and things that I really want. And not think about anything else.How could any body be happier?
From Drakengard 3 Official Japanese Website
Translation by Rimie
Five — My Favorite Things
This world is made up of both things I want, and things I really want.
That’s just my imitation of Two-onee-sama, though.
“You know, this world is made up of things I love and things I REALLY love.”
I don’t remember when, but Two-onee-sama once said that.
Then what is the world made up of to me? I’m not as kind as Two-onee-sama, so I can’t love everything about it.
Yes, there are a few things I hate. Food that isn’t delicious, clothing that isn’t pretty, people who only say boring things.
But even if I hate them, that doesn’t mean that I don’t still want them. Even bad food might only be bad because of the way it was cooked. Two-onee-sama boiled down a sandworm’s stomach and made a truly delicious soup. Soaking it in salt, drying it in the sun, boiling it for days… She said it had taken her a very long time to do.
Adding many accessories can make even ugly clothing unexpectedly pretty, and boring people could be used as servants.
If you don’t make it yours, and try out lots of different things, you won’t know. Isn’t that right?
If I think like that, there isn’t a thing in this world that I don’t want. The only difference is if I only want it a little, or I really want it.
The things I really want, of course, are beautiful accessories, clothing, and shoes. I prefer gold to silver. Lots of sparkling jewels, too. A brooch with a sapphire the size of a walnut, sprinkled with tiny aquamarines and diamonds, and a gold crafted necklace stuffed with emeralds.
I like clothing that has lace on it. When I put on a fully lace robe, I love it so much I could faint! Of course, I love lace collars, and shawls, and handkerchiefs too.
I’ve heard that weaving lace takes a lot of time and effort. Four-onee-sama said that just adding a lace edge raises the price immensely.
“One part of an outfit like that could feed a poor family for days! Can you still say you want to wear it after you hear that?”
Four-onee-sama is always right. So, I answered:
“Yes, it’s just as you say. I’ll get rid of this dress.”
I’m tired of this lace-edged dress, after all.
Now, my favourite dress is covered in ribbons. Thin, delicate silk bows, layered. And they’re all over the sleeves and bodice as well! Isn’t it cute? And when you add a decorative belt the same colour as the ribbons, and tie it a bit tightly, it shows off my well-grown bust. Isn’t it spellbindingly amazing?
This ribbon-covered clothing is probably quite expensive, too. I wonder how many days it could feed a poor family?
But just because I stop wearing it doesn’t mean it could feed a poor family, I think. Since the clothes in my dressing room weren’t things I bought with money. They were just left over from the former owner that I took as my own.
The one who stole money from the people of this country was the former ruler, not me.
Forgetting all that, what should I wear today? The ribbon dress? This Damask dress is hard to refuse, too. The gold and silver threads it was weaved with match nicely with my hair, after all. The dress with sable fur by the sleeve cuffs and hem might be good. Or…
“Nnn? Five, you’re awake already?”
The voice coming from just behind me is that of my apostle. My cute, cute servant. This child is my favourite, too. But he sounds so sleepy.
“Dito, you can go back to sleep.”
Children need their sleep, after all. Dito was up late last night, as well.
“I woke up because you’re rummaging around.”
“Ah, I’m sorry.”
His huge yawn while stretching is adorable. I can’t handle how cute this boy is. His face is beautiful, like a doll.
Ah, not like the soldier dolls that Three-onee-sama makes. Like the normal, cute, little girl dolls.
No, Dito is cuter than any doll. His skin is pale and soft, and his eyes are like twinkling stars. I wish I could just spend all the time patting his slightly curly, down-like fluffy hair. Dito is my number one favourite… My number one toy.
“You’re picking out a dress again? This early in the morning? You’ve got a lot of time on your hands, Five.”
I love the rough way he talks, as well. The difference between how cute he is and how bratty he sounds is fun. The element of surprise is important in relationships between men and women. You need to act different in and out of the bedroom.
Well, putting that aside.
“One day is too short. I need to wake up a bit early.
“Yeah, I guess when you change clothes 3 or 4 times every day you might run out of time. You’d be fine if you just wore the same clothes all day.”
“That’s impossible! I have so many dresses, how could I only wear one a day?”
Not having anything else to wear, or travelling, those kinds of situations where you can’t pick and choose are fine. But other than that, wearing the same thing all day is unthinkable!
“Hey, Dito. Which dress do you think would be good?”
Looking at the ribboned dress, the gold and silver threaded dress, and the fur lined dress, he just yawned.
“Why not just go with one you like?”
Saying it so casually, looking so bored. It’s a waste of his cute face. I wonder why he’s so unhappy. Ah, I see!
“Is it because these are all hard to get off that you dislike them?”
“No, that’s not…”
“It’s easier if I don’t wear anything at all is what you’re trying to say, right?”
“I’m fine doing it fully clothed, you know?”
“All that means is I need to be on top. Or you go from behind while we stand?”
“Listen to me!”
“Are you trying to be polite? Or are you trying to seduce me?”
He might just be holding back. He’s my apostle. Apostles are Intoner’s slaves, and they can’t go against their words. They exist to serve their Intoner. In the day, and night.
“Hey, you don’t have to hold back, you know?”
“Dresses! We were talking about the dresses, weren’t we!?”
Oh, Dito. His face is all red. Is he embarrassed? He’s so cute. I just want to hug him, and push him down.
“That one! In the middle, that’s good! The sparkly one!”
“I don’t care about the dresses anymore. Come on, Dito…”
“Ah, then, that one! The one with all the embroidery! With the blue flowers! You haven’t worn that one yet, have you!?”
The strangely embroidered dress with a pattern of blue flowers. Yes, thinking back, I haven’t worn that one yet.
“Five, stay here! I’ll go get it for you!”
Slipping out of my arms, he seems just like a cat. He didn’t have to rush out of bed like that. I’m not the kind of master that would be angry if he took too much time fetching it for me.
I thought I heard a sigh coming from the dressing room, but it was probably nothing. Just like Dito is an apostle with no objections to me, I’m an Intoner with no objections to him.
Dito spread the dress out reverently, in front of the mirror. Glossy fabric and detailed embroidery, foreign looking clothing designed to hug the body.
Yes, it’s wonderful. There are two large slits in the hem, so the dress daringly shows off your legs with every step. Four-onee-sama wouldn’t like it. She would scold me, telling me to stop wearing such indecent things.
“This dress is wonderful too. But that doesn’t stop the others from being wonderful, as well. Oh, I’m stumped.”
The ribbon dress, the damask dress, the fur lined dress; they’re all so hard to refuse. And adding the blue flowered dress, I just can’t choose. What should I do?
“I wish I could just have three or four bodies… Then, I could wear them all at once!”
“Three or four bodies!? Are you serious?”
“…What a nightmare.”
Oh Dito, making a face like the world itself is ending. I wonder what came to his mind?
“I think it’s a wonderful idea. I should ask One-onee-sama if there’s any magic to split your body into three.”
One-onee-sama is always reading such difficult books down in the library below the cathedral. She might know of a kind of magic to help.
“If I had three bodies, I wouldn’t have to worry about which dress to wear, and I could eat three times the delicious food I can now.”
“I think you already eat three times the amount of food a normal person does.”
“No, I don’t.”
I admit, I do eat more than some. I can’t stand the feeling of an empty stomach. It makes me feel almost lonely. So because of that, I always want to eat before I get hungry.
Even saying that, though, I doubt I eat three times what other people do. But Dito is just smiling with that mean look. Aah, that look of his is good too.
“If the Chef’s asked if you’d like meat or fish that night, you’d definitely answer both.”
“Dito, that’s only two times.”
And if they ask which, that must mean they could make either. They wouldn’t ask that way, otherwise. Isn’t it obvious that you’d want to eat both?
“Then, what if they asked if you wanted grilled meat, boiled meat, or steamed meat?”
“All of them, maybe. Oh no~. Now I’m hungry. I wonder if breakfast is ready yet?”
“Your appetite is way past three times a normal humans, Five.”
But my appetite isn’t why I’m like that. It’s the fault of delicious things for existing, I think. Even I wouldn’t want to eat them if I knew they didn’t exist in the first place.
Even if it weren’t in front of me, if I just knew that it existed, I would travel to the ends of the earth in search of it.
Yes. I love going on journeys to find delicious food. Those kinds of trips are much more enjoyable than trips to defeat evil people, or exterminate monsters.
“I can’t wait for spring. Then we could go on another trip to find delicious things.”
“Did you mean to say weird things?”
“Oh. If we gave them to Two-onee-sama, she could turn any weird ingredient into something wonderful.”
“You aren’t denying they’ll be weird things?
“Because it’s the truth. But Two-onee-sama is the only one who can turn things like Goblin Brains into a delicious pate. You couldn’t really eat things like Numbing Lizard broth or Six-eyed Catfish pickled in oil normally.”
“Yeah, I’d call them delicacies.”
“There aren’t many foods you’d need to risk your life to eat, after all. I’d pass on them all, though.”
Oh, Dito, what a cheeky little face. It’s too attractive. When he shrugs his shoulders like that. What a bad boy, making me feel like this.
I love that confused look, too, and his worried look. It just makes me want to confuse and worry him even more.
“You aren’t thinking of anything weird, are you?”
“Oh, I’d never think of anything weird.”
The way he looks up at me nervously is just like a little bunny. Now that I think about it, baby bunnies are delicious. Boiling them for hours until they melt in your mouth, with a sweet fruit sauce.
“H-how about breakfast? Y-you’re probably getting hungry, right?”
“Yes. I’ll eat it right now.”
“No. Why should I?”
It looked like he still had something he wanted to say, but I don’t care. I can’t care right now. Ah, I can’t take it. My cute apostle. My adorable, adorable little bunny. Where will I eat him from today?
“Why do you have to be like this right in the morning?”
“It’s because Dito’s sleepy face is so cute, I’m sure.”
“Your words and actions are complete opposites, you know.”
“You love sleeping by my huge chest, don’t you?”
His moans are adorable too. Moans, right? They can’t be sighs.
We’ve tried so many things. I won’t let him say he’s unhappy. I won’t hold back any effort or planning to make both my partner and myself feel good.
Before you complain about things not being enough, you have to do all you can to fix it yourself. Reading books, talking to people, and of course, trying lots of different partners are all good ideas. It might not be your fault, but a problem with your compatibility, after all.
Luckily, I have no problem finding partners. Men, women, I’ve got my pick of them. Even if it’s more than one a night.
Yes, doing this and that.
Compatibility is a difficult problem. You don’t find the right person very often. But I won’t give up. There always has to be something better.
Yes, if you find anything better, you must tell Dito too. He’s my Apostle, after all.
“Aa. No, wait…!”
Oh, no. I got distracted. I’m sorry, Dito. Oh, you don’t need to sigh like that. I don’t mind a bit.
“My cute, cute Dito. Don’t make that face.”
We can always do it again. As many times as it takes, right?
“Five’s greed and appetite are three times as bad as a normal person, but your sex drive is around 30 times more, huh.”
“Oh my, what a compliment!”
“…I wasn’t complimenting you.”
“You’re such a good boy. Where would you like your reward?”
“That’s more of a punishment than a reward.”
“Hm? You’d like that more?”
I didn’t know that. People have lots of different interests. He’s seemed to be bored a lot of the time, after all. I wish he had told me sooner. I don’t mind putting effort and planning into it, but I’d prefer not having to go the roundabout way to finding things out.
The world is already full of things I want. Even if I had more time, it still would never be enough. Pretty clothes, delicious food. I want to wear more, taste more. I’d cut back on sleep just to do it.
“Why are you so greedy, anyway?”
I think that’s a bit wrong. It might be that I want so much because I like feeling powerful.
After all, the moment I get something I want, I’m so happy I could just come. The feelings of superiority and almightiness just feel like they’re bursting from my body. Ah, I’m powerful enough to get everything I want, like that.
If I wasn’t powerful, I’m sure I wouldn’t want anything. Wishing you had something you couldn’t get is just useless… It’ll only make you sad.
Yes, how could you want something you can’t have?
What if there was something? Something I couldn’t have. I can’t imagine it, but there might just be something like that.
Thinking hard about it, it may be possible. Something tiny, so tiny I didn’t even notice. Something so slight, I wouldn’t even know I wanted it.
What could it be?
It isn’t food. I don’t think it could be treasure or dresses, either. I could get any of that whenever I wanted.
Could it be a person? I have many servants already. I have soldiers that would give their lives for me, too. Men?
I have so many of them, as well. There couldn’t be a man in the world who could turn me down. Yes, aside from my own father. My father? Father…?
“What’s wrong, Five?”
It’s gone. Just as I thought of something, too.
“It’s weird for you to space out in bed.”
“How rude. Even I’ve got things I think about.”
“Are you mad?”
It might be for the best that he pushed it out of my mind. Remembering for just a second, before it disappeared… that face.
There’s no way I could remember, anyway. Father died as soon as I was born. Trying to force myself to think of it is a waste of time.
So I’ll stop thinking. I don’t care about things I can’t have. I’ll only think of my favourite things. Like my sapphire brooch, my emerald and gold crafted necklace, my ribbon dress, and my embroidered dress. My lace robe, and the shawl with the collar.
“How about we continue?”
And my adorable servant.
I’m getting hungry. This time, we’ll really eat. Well-done toast, topped with half cooked poached eggs, and steamed fish, and pickled vegetables. And dried fruit in honey. Yes, before that, I need to choose something to wear. Now that I think about it, there’s another dress with fabric hanging from the sleeves too. And a red furred dress too.
Oh, I’m so happy! Yes, I’m happy. Things I want, and things I really want. …As long as I don’t think of anything else.Right? Am I wrong?